I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Randomize
