Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
