She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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