You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
