I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
