She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
