remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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