sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
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