So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
