At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
