now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
