Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
