I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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