I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
