You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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