Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
the day after is always just damage control
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
