Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize