she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Walk of Shame today included voting.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
