I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
