while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
