Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize