My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
