The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
