my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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