Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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