Don't you send me to vm
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
