I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
