I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
