I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
