forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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