I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
