what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
