He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
