All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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