Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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