he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
