just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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