You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
