Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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