people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
