i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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