I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
