I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
