he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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