Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
