It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
