Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
