your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
