Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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