I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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