You really coming over, don't trick.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
