now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
