Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
