i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
