I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
