I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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