No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
