Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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