I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
