I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
