It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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