We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
