dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
