I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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