this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize