1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
