i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
