There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
‪He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life‬
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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