Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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