i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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