I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
