I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
