i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
