She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
