I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
