I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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