Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You need a sexual gate keeper
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
