I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
