i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
