sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
