you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
