hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
