why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
