your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
