dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize