if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
