And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
