i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize