just tell him i said nine months
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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