the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
