In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
