I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
