ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
