so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
