I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
