I can text with my tongue
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
