Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
