Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize