Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
