it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
