i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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