We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
