plz talk dirty to me
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
