wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
