I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
