Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
