I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Hippo gnu deer
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
