I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
