my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize