I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
